SlowWit, the Dimmest of the Disney Princesses
by Juliet Deveraux
Summary: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the dimmest of them all? Over the land, across the sea, there is someone dim I see, you are dim, that is true, but there is someone dimmer than you! Snow White Parody. ReadReview!
1. Slow Witted Madness Takes Hold

Slow-wit slept late in the morning. For her last dim-witted attempt at helping someone (the person ended up with a broken arm), the city had sentenced her to sleep for 100 years. But being so dim, she took the wrong alarm clock, one that was only set for 100 hours. Within days, the world would yet again be exposed to her havoc.

**A few days later...**

"What a peaceful sleep." yawned Slow-wit, stretching her arms out to greet the morning sunlight. A passing by woodman was frightened to see her seemingly awake once more.

"Slow-wit!" said the Woodsman, more to himself than anything. He panicked and ran away; the rumor was that anybody who encountered her got bad luck.

"They still know my name after a hundred years? I must have been written about in stories!" She said dim-wittedly. "Look at me, talking to myself! I'll go find some people!" Many people had happily forgotten of Slow-wit in the short time she was gone, so when she reappeared there was uproar.

"It was her ghost! Hauntin' me, came right out of her body it did." said the Woodsman, who had been telling anyone who would listen.

* * *

Meanwhile in a dark (dim) castle an evil queen talked to her evil mirror….

* * *

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the dimmest of them all?" She asked her mirror wickedly.

"Over the land, across the sea, there is someone dim I see! You are dim, that is true, but there is someone dimmer than you!" answered the mirror in a rhyming way.

"What? Dimmer than I? Huh? My brain does not understand this! I must elevate - I mean eliminate her!" She walked over to her piles of spellbooks.

"Now, how should I do it? Hmm, fall down stairs spell… struck by lightening potion… poisoned apple spell… Poison her with an apple, perfect! Now, for the ingredients and incantation…

"Eye of rabbit, leg of newt, scales of snakes, hair of cat, orange juice, habba nakk, jigger pak, all my dimness will come back, Slow-wit's out, I am in, make me even more so dim!" She finished her incantation and pulled out the apple.

"What? This is an orange!" exclaimed the Queen in confusion. But a voice in her head tells her, "It's an apple!"

"Aha! Slow-wit is allergic to apples! Mwahaha! Now for my disguise. Ahh, here it is, an old woman potion! But first to dispose of my dim pills; I should be naturally dim, yeah, that's right naturally dim! Damn you pills!" she yelled, throwing the pills into the mirror.

"Nooooooo!" cried the mirror in an intelligent way. As soon as the mirror swallowed the pills it began muttering nonsense.

"Oh dear, my mirror has become dim. Oh well, now for the recipe." said the Queen, bored.

"A dash of tweedle dee and tweedle dum, a pinch of Cinderella, a teaspoon of the little mermaid, half a cup of ruby slippers and a dozen munchkins, not forgetting Pinocchio's nose." She finished her potion and scooped out a glass.

"Ha ha ha," raising her goblet to the air, she gulped down the sticky potion.

"Ha ha ha ha ha, croak croak," The queen stared into the mirror. "Ahh! I'm not an old woman I'm a – ribbit - frog! I cannot show myself as a frog! But then again, who would expect a frog would perpetrate such dim-witted acts! Muahaha." So the queen of dim and evil things went to retrieve the orange that she had mistaken for an apple, knowing that Slow-wit's weakness was... well... apples.

* * *

Meanwhile a very forgetful dog named Sabre paced around Slow-wit's house aimlessly...

* * *

"Why am I getting a slight throbbing pain in my head?" The dog asked a nearby tree.

"Well I dunno do I, I'm a tree!" answered back the tree.

"Bark, Bark!" barked the dog for no apparent reason. Slow-wit climbed out of the window of her cottage, thinking it was a door.

"Why did you bark?" asked Slow-wit dimly.

"I have a slight throbbing pain in my head and I don't know why." answered the dog with a frown.

"Could it be because you have been walking around in circles?" suggested Slow-wit. "Well if it is maybe you should stop that and start banging your head against that tree instead." Slow-wit was very confused as usual.

"I don't think the tree would like that." answered the dog.

"Why not? I do it all the time and nothing happened to me."

"Well, okay, I'll try." the dog said dreamily, walking over to the tree he had conversed with before and starting to ram his head into it.

"Hey, stop that!" protested the tree.

"See, the tree doesn't like it and now I have a bigger headache." said the dog sorely.

"Well, fine then. I was only trying to help," said Slow-wit huffily.

"I better be on my way." said the dog, while trying to uncross his eyes.

So he walked deep into the forest. On his way he met a little frog. "Hello," said the dog dully.

"BOOWHOO! OH BOOWHO!" Croaked the frog so very sadly.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" asked the dim dog.

"I'm crying you IDIOT!" yelled the frog, which I must tell you was the evil queen.

"You see I was told to give this beautiful apple to a maiden named Slow-wit but I can't find her, it's tragic I tell you, tragic!" moaned the evil frog queen. Somehow the dog pulled a hanky from his coat.

"Here, use this." said the dog kindly.

"This! This! you expect me to use this!... Well... okay, thank you," said the queen as she blew her froggy nose. But because the dog was so dim he fell for her evil yet croaky trick.

So the dog set off with the apple in his jaws, not realising that it was an orange. The dog had a hard grip with his jaws and he pierced the skin of the orangeapple. Slowly the diabolical orangey liquid ran down his throat.

"Hey, this tastes like an orange!" he exclaimed. But a mysterious voice in his head said, "It's an apple."

Did I forget to mention that the dim dog was a guard dog when he was younger? This was very surprising considering his dimness, but all he remembered from his guard dog days was a little song that he now sang, for no reason whatsoever.

"If you pass the border, I'll have to knock you down, and when you wake up on the border, I'll knock you down again."

The dog was so dim that he delivered the apple to the wrong maiden, and unfortunately he still had the song stuck in his head. This song became a combination of delivering the apple and knocking one down. This song unmistakably came out as:

"If you don't take the apple, I'll have to knock you down, and when you wake up with the apple, I'll knock you down again." At this proclamation the misfortunate maiden ran back into the house screaming, but returned soon after.

"What was that? Sorry, I left the stove on. Had to run back inside." explained the maiden.

"A frog in the woods told me to give you this apple." said the dog proudly, pleased that he had managed to achieve this simple task.

"Oh good, I'm cooking apple pie." She held the fruit up for examination. "Hey, that's an orange!" exclaimed the maiden. But mysterious voices in her head say "It's an apple."

"Oh, well thank you very much for this ahh...apple." With this she accepted the orangeapple. "Why don't you come inside and have some apple pie with me?" asked the maiden.

"Well, my stomach does seem a bit angry with me. Maybe if I bribe it with pie it will be happy again."

* * *

Many miles away the evil frog queen was pondering her evil plan. But because the queen was so dim, as you probably know, she made the wrong potion for the orangeapple. The one that she made was not for killing people, but for making people dim. She used it on the apple that the dim dog and the maiden were eating at that very moment. The orangeapple had taken its effect on the maiden, but the dog was already too dim for the potion to work.

The queen was so embarrassed that she fled the country to France, where she was savagely attacked by Gibbons. The unconscious frog queen was left outside a local Cafe and the chef mistook her for a dead frog. That night table 21 got a surprise meal of frog's legs. And they all lived happily ever after (except the queen). The End.

* * *

**Disclaimer** – Snow White is the property of Disney. I can't take all the credit for the story either, as it was co-written by my friend Ainsley (woot). However I do have the misfortune of owning the dim dog (no, really).

**Author's Note** – Well, it took us a while to write so I hope you enjoyed it! Please review!


	2. Dim Jokes

**WITHOUT FURTHER ADO…**

**WELCOME TO DIM JOKES FOR DIM PEOPLE! THIS STORY IS THE QUEEN OF ALL DIM JOKES!!!!!!!!! **Warning: May contain intelligence insulting humour.

* * *

**Q: **What is the Queen's favourite thing to do at night?

**A: **Dim the lights! (Who's a Dim little thing? You are yes you are!)

**Q: **What's the Queen's favourite Animal?

**A: **A Dimpanzee! (Ohh oooh ooooh)

**Q: **What's the Queen's favourite form of Government?

**A: **Dimocracy! (Oh. the Dimanity!)

**Q: **What is the Queen's favourite food?

**A: **Dim sims (Laugh you dim-witted person!)

**Q: **What is the Queen like without Dim pills?

**A: **Dim-mented (Duh)

**Q: **What is the Queen's favourite Movie?

**A: **Dimbo (Dimbo, flying through the sky so high…)

**Q: **What's the Queen's first name?

**A: **Dimity (Dim dim dim Dramatic music…)

**Q: **What is the Queen's second name?

**A:** Dimelza (You're Dim, you're dim…)

**Q: **What is her evil brother's name?

**A: **Dimitri (You're too Dim to deny it!)

**Q: **What is the Queen's second favourite movie?

**A: **Mission Dim possible (Maybe I could put this in a way you'd understand… YOU'RE DIM!)

**Q: **What is the Queen's third favourite movie?

**A: **Dim and Dimmer (This is the end, understand?)

* * *

**Disclaimer- **Once again I can't claim credit for the whole thing. Thank you to my co-author, Ainsley (round of applause, please). I own the dim dog, the maiden, and the handkerchief belonging to the dog. I also own the orangeapple pie. However I do not own Snow White or the Dim Queen.

**Author's note- **Thank you to the three lovely reviewers, I hope you enjoyed our dim jokes! Now may I direct you to the shiny little button at the bottom left hand side of the screen. Press the button and tell us what you think!

Or are you too dim to dare?


End file.
